Music’s Top 20 Fails of 2010… So Far

Edited by Dell Frost / Mog Music Network
Contributors: Scott Tomford, Adrian Covert, Max Burstein, Kenny Herzog, & Brittany Flynn

In the interest of building their brand, many artists employ a team of handlers to coordinate their every move and put their best foot forward. Boring right? The fun comes when things go terribly wrong and the entertainers are figuratively burned at the stake for their missteps. In the bloodthirsty age of the world wide web, these moments are known as FAILS and make great fodder for the blogosphere. With half of 2010 already in the can, we’ve compiled the top 20 fails and ranked them accordingly. Dig in.

20. Nas’ Bank Account

Everything started out so grand: during the famed ‘bling era’ of hip-hop, Nas famously poured out $1,000 bottles of Cristal in videos and said the shorties could hold his ice. Ten years later, Nas’ nasty divorce and custody battle with R&B singer Kelis dominated hip-hop headlines. The man who once claimed he helped take the bling era to the next level was forced to admit he’s having financial difficulties and couldn’t afford court-ordered payments to his ex-wife.  -DF

19. Keri Hilson, Anita Baker Butcher National Anthem

Tsk-tsk, Miss Keri! Baby…we all make mistakes, but if you’re asked to sing the National Anthem you best be damn sure you brush up on the lyrics. We are guessing she was nervous or might have missed out on school assemblies, or maybe this is Keri’s first time at a sporting event. -BF

It’s one thing for someone as newly famous as Keri Hilson to mess up our country’s anthem, but it’s quite another to hear it from a seasoned pro like Anita Baker, who struggled through the entire song. The Academy might want to consider taking back all eight of her Grammys.

18. Britney Spears Hangs Up On “Telephone”

Very often a singer will turn down a track that has been written with them in mind, only to see some upstart ride it to unparalleled glory. Or in this case, the person who initially offered it to them. Back in May, broadcast a supposed demo of Britney working out eventual Lady Gaga/Beyonce hit “Telephone.” Producer Rodney Jenkins soon confirmed its authenticity. And for a brief moment, Gaga wasn’t the most embarrassing pop star on Earth. -KH

17. Solar Victimizes Guru of GangStarr

When legendary Gang Starr MC Guru suffered a heart attack and fell into a coma in February, his last days on earth turned into a farce thanks to his business partner and musical collaborator, Solar. Thanks to leaked emails, the public learned Solar had an unhealthy amount of control over Guru, which also included physical and verbal abuse. And as he made Guru’s death resemble an episode of the Twilight Zone, Solar also became one of the biggest villains in hip-hop. – AC

16. Tiger Woods Kicks It At A Nickelback Concert

Tiger Woods had a rough end to 2009, as his dirty relationship laundry was aired out for the world to see. But he didn’t help himself in 2010, when it was revealed that Woods attended a Nickelback concert. Normally, that wouldn’t be such a big deal, but he was spotted backstage flanked by a security team and it was revealed that he was a huge fan and friends with frontman Chad Kroger. The moral of the story? Not even all the money in the world can buy you good taste. -AC

15. Wyclef Jean’s Use Of Yele Haiti Funds

Wyclef was praised earlier this year for his charity efforts after an earthquake struck Haiti in January and he launched an international donation campaign with his Yele Foundation. The only problem? Wyclef wasn’t all that meticulous with his bookkeeping, as it was revealed that the non-profit charity had failed to file taxes for certain years, dished out money to Wyclef’s other for-profit enterprises, and had been paying his personal assistant and alleged mistress a six-figure salary. While we don’t doubt Clef’s commitment to helping Haiti, we do question his ability to affect actual change down there. –AC

14. Rapper Arrested Due To Gun Toting YouTube Video

While it may have seemed like a good idea to menacingly tote an AK-47 and point it toward the camera in your low-budget music video, it probably would have been a good idea prepare for the inevitable police inquiry. Ten people were charged in connection to the sheer ignorance . -DF

13.  Tedious Festival Lineup Announcements

Every year, festivals like Coachella, Bonnaroo, and Lollapalooza are the subject of mass speculation and rumors.  Of course, the announcements come, rumors are proven false, and surprises are to be had once the lineup is released to the public… at least that’s how it used to go.  In order to be as annoying and ineffective as possible, festival organizers for Bonnaroo and Lollapalooza released one band name per hour (or one letter at a time), creating an agonizing wait for the full lineup. -ST

12. Justin Bieber Walks Into Two Glass Doors

Ah, glass doors.  For as long as they’ve been around, they’ve been a roadblock and source of injury for birds, squirrels, and… Biebers?  Yes, the tween sensation walked right into a glass door to the delight of several reporters recently, but he’s young and these things happen.  What’s that, you say?  He did it twice?  There’s a word I’m thinking of for this, but I can’t seem to remember it… -ST

11. The Rumored Black Eyed Peas 3D Movie

A regular Black Eyed Peas movie would have been 2 painful dimensions too many, but Fergie & Co were rumored to be hitting the big screen next year in 3D. B.E.P. frontman Will.I.Am went on record saying that James Cameron,  “The Master” of epic self indulgence, would be directing the entire thing and added a “dope” storyline. Our glimmer of hope came by way of Jamie Landau, son of Cameron’s producer, who claimed the entire story a hoax. -MB

10. Lady Gaga Crashes Mets Game

Gaga raised a few eyebrows when she threw up her middle finger and watched the Mets game in her black bra. The singer was escorted to a private box Jerry Seinfeld had reserved for himself. Rightfully so, the comedian deemed her “a jerk.” A week later the media-loving pop star got herself banned from the Yankees clubhouse for being drunk and groping herself. Maybe the Red Sox will invite her over just to spite their rivals? -BF

9. Bow Wow Caught Soliciting Sex On Twitter?

Rappers love to play up their reputations as jet-setting playboys who have the pick of the litter when it comes to female companions. However, Bow Wow’s reputation took a nice blow (….) this summer when he allegedly asked a woman on Twitter how much she’d charge for oral sex. The message was meant to be a direct message but was sent to everyone instead. Bow Wow later refuted the story, but the damage was done. -DF

8. “We Are the World 25 For Haiti”

As a remake of a 1985 ensemble benefit song it’s no surprise that the updated version would suffer. Although it was for a good cause, when the song lead off with Justin Bieber’s sickly sweet voice, and later segued into a newly written rap verse led by LL Cool J, with the addition of a backpack-wearing T-Pain fully autotuned out, and Jamie Foxx still doing his Ray Charles impression, we decided to make our Haiti donations elsewhere. -BF

7. The Situation Puts the M and C in Muscles

You know what’s unfortunate? That when you put “The Situation” into Google, Mike Sorrentino elicits the first several results. You know what’s even more unfortunate? That the Jersey Shore star’s super-processed 50 seconds of lifestyle advocacy continues to get views on YouTube because of how much fun it is to mock his unwieldy armpit hair. Hip-Hop hasn’t been this white since Fred and Barney rapped about loving “Fruity Pebbles in a major way.” -KH

6. Kat Stacks’ Entire Existence

Kat Stacks transformed herself from a run-of-the-mill groupie to an internet sensation when she began making YouTube videos detailing her intimate encounters with some of rap’s most recognizable names. What started as a fun & juicy bit of music gossip has slowly degenerated into a sad cautionary tale for America’s youth. Whether you support Kat’s decision to sleep around, or support the rapper’s right to privacy, I think we can all agree there are no winners in this saga. -DF

5. Liz Phair’s Bollywood Rapping

After rising to alt-rock icon status in the ‘90s, Liz Phair’s stock hit a low point when she tried to become a run-of-the-mill pop star on her 2003 self-titled release.  However, she sank to unbelievable, baffling new low points by self-releasing her new album, Funstyle, earlier this year.  The most epic of fails comes from the track “Bollywood,” which, yep, features her rapping over Bollywood music while covering her time with major labels.  Though we thought there was outside pressure to make this track, Phair wrote a letter to her fans saying that she lost her label deal and management to fulfill her personal vision of FAIL. -ST

4. Tokio Hotel guitarist goes blind from Viagra

Hard partying Tokio Hotel guitarist Tom Kaulitz is 20 years old. He knew he didn’t need the penis-popping help, but it didn’t take much convincing until he’d ingested a few of the blue pills on a stopover in Taiwan. Kaulitz said, “The next morning my head was pounding and everything in front of my eyes was blurry. It wasn’t fun any more. It was pretty bad.” His temporary blindness and erection lasted two days! Dumbass. Maybe if the band is lucky, they’ll get more popular and will start getting offered actual street drugs. -BF

3. Ke$ha’s Performance On
Saturday Night Live

Dr. Luke’s inexplicably successful fembot protégé, Ke$ha, laid a massive stink-bomb of a performance on American Idol, but that was nothing compared to the double-dose of audio-visual irritant she unleashed in front of Saturday Night Live’s audience on April 17. Outfitted like a slutty superhero and day-glow tribeswoman for “Tik Tok” and “Your Love Is My Drug,” respectively, the 23-year-old assaulted viewers’ eyes and ears with her valley girl talk-rapping, bar mitzvah dance moves, and utterly unconvincing “eccentricity.” Somewhere, Ashlee Simpson was smiling. -KH

2. John Mayer’s Explosive Playboy Interview

In one of the truly bizarre moments of the year, John Mayer gave an interview with Playboy where he expounded on race, drugs, and love, saying that Jessica Simpson was equivalent of crack-cocaine. Mayer also nonchalantly dropped the N-Bomb when discussing the concept of blackness, and referred to his penis as a white supremacist (David Duke, to be exact). After apologizing profusely and laying low, Mayer has seemed to dampen the public outrage, but thanks to his use of the phrase ‘sexual napalm,’ we will never look at him the same way again. – AC

1. M.I.A. Sign of the
Times Antics

It’s difficult to recall the last time such a critic-proof musician precipitated her own backlash with such ill-conceived provocation (Madonna’s Sex book comes to mind). Lynn Hirschberg’s May NY Times profile on Sri Lankan agitator M.I.A. wasn’t exactly flattering, but certainly didn’t set out to eviscerate the singer/rapper. Ms. Arulpragasm’s (to use formal Times parlance) deeply immature, paranoid Tweeting of Hirschberg’s number revealed not only an embarrassing misunderstanding of punk-rock subversion, but a demystifying self-consciousness. -KH


One Response to “Music’s Top 20 Fails of 2010… So Far”

  1. türkü dinle Says:

    very good music !

    (good luck)

    thank you…

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